Me, always a rebel at heart (translation ... independent thinker, questioned authority) I subjected myself hook-line-and-sinker to the J-dub philosophy. Ya know, the end being all near and such, not wanting to be eaten by ravens, having to kick it with 'them' in order to get into paradise, etc., etc, etc .. it took me about 8 years for the fog to clear and to see the reality, hypocrisy and cruelty of the GB control tactics. Once I began thinking for myself again I could see the hypocrisy of the people around me. Here I was poor and struggling, depriving myself of an education, career, close relationship with my 'worldly' relatives, never going to clubs - waiting for an invitation to someone's home just to have something to do ... then I looked around and saw that others in the cong. seemed to be doing what they wanted so why not me? The difference being, that I didn't want to do 5 meetings a week any longer, read those boring 'so-called' college material mags so poorly written I can't believe now that I put up with that crap so long! Every publication sounded the same ... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah .... what drudgery it all became.
When I returned to my 'true self' the rebellion was on in full swing! Against my JW husband, his meddling JW mother and the elders. I started to make my own decisions, prayerfully relying on the God I knew way back when ... before "they" told me his name was Jehovah.
Sometimes rebellion is the only way to FREEDOM!